Fiona Stubbings

Occupation: Women’s and Children’s life coach, author, speaker, facilitator (Book title - #WarriorWomen – Find Your Tribe and Live your Best Life)

Website: www.minddesigncoach.com

Instagram: minddesigncoach

HOW DID YOU IDENTIFY YOUR PASSION AND THE WORK THAT SATISFIED YOU VERSUS WORK THAT JUST PAID THE BILLS?

It took a long time for me to find my true passion. I have always wanted to work in the helping professions and so studied psychology and social work at University but I realised I could live my true passion when I found life coaching and started studying it. I started to build my coaching business from then and I knew my target market had to be women going through major life change such as parenting, career change and mid-life, because I had so many wobbly moments during these transitions myself.

WHO WILL ETERNALLY BE A WOMAN YOU ADMIRE AND RESPECT, AND WHY?

I’ve always admired Oprah for overcoming so much adversity in her earlier years and her determination to make it in her career and life and for her ability to help others now. Jacinda Ardern (Prime Minister of New Zealand) is someone I will admire forever for her compassionate leadership and ability to be a true female leader without pretending she’s a man! She has proved over and again that being a female and a head of state does not mean you have to be like a man. She’s change politics for the better in her country and I would love to see other countries follow suit.

I also love PiNK for her powerful messages to young girls to love themselves and believe they can have whatever they want and that strong is totally sexy! Other women I admire are my friends, the ones who give their time to helping others, to supporting each other and just lending a hand when someone needs them. They don’t have celebrity, wealth or academic qualifications to make them ‘credible’ in the eyes of society– they just want to help people. These people are the ones I will eternally admire because they don’t need recognition to do what they do.

IN LIGHT OF YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF OUR HASHTAG #WHYITRIBE, WHY DO YOU THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO CELEBRATE WHO WE ALREADY ARE TODAY?

Its so important for us women to accept who we are, be happy in our own skin and really embrace our uniqueness. I work with children and women on owning their unique qualities and being proud of them because we live in this world of false imagery -splashed all over the magazines and social media. People, especially women and young girls are comparing themselves to false ideals. It’s crippling self-esteem and confidence and causing young people to use fillers and botox and other extreme measures to look like someone else. We need to embrace ourselves, to love ourselves, for who we are in this world – not what we think the world expects us to be.

NAME A TIME RECENTLY WHEN YOU SAID SOMETHING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF/HOW DID THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?

Every day I say something good about myself. I might say something about the work I got done or the patience or kindness I showed. I talk to myself a lot because the negative self-talk will creep in unless we train our brain to find the positive first. I always feel a little bit empowered when I say something nice to myself because I know I have the power to change my thoughts and therefore change how I feel.

WHY DO YOU THINK WOMEN SHY AWAY FROM CELEBRATING OR PRAISING THEMSELVES SO MUCH?

Society, particularly in Australia, has taught us it’s not ok to love yourself. It’s a female thing and a cultural thing about women knowing their place in society. We come from a culture where women were seen as the weaker sex both physically and emotionally and these attitudes are still pervasive today. Even today I see people get uncomfortable when a woman backs herself and says that she did something well.

HOW DO YOU OVERCOME THE TENDENCY TO DISCREDIT COMPLIMENTS YOU ARE GIVEN?

Oh this is a hard one. My first urge is to deflect – as I get better at this I simply say ‘thank you’ and sometimes might add how hard I worked to achieve whatever it was. (Which is probably still a deflection, as if to say ‘I deserved it because I worked so hard, not just because I am worthy)

HOW DOES SOCIETY REINFORCE THE IDEA THAT WE, AS WOMEN, ARE NOT ENOUGH AND HOW CAN WE TAKE THAT POWER BACK?

As I said I think the media and celebrities who portray a lifestyle that is so far from reality, has a lot to answer for!
I think organizations who expect women to work as if they have no children and then these women have to parent as if they don’t work is also unhelpful. I believe that the future belongs to women taking their power back by not tolerating the status quo – by not accepting unequal pay for equal work, by not accepting inflexible work places, by demanding we get the support we need after having children so that we can participate equally in society. We have the power, but we have to stand together (not against each other) and be united in our messages.

WHY IS THE TRIBE MOVEMENT IMPORTANT?

It’s important to women all over the world and to the future of women. Society has pitched women against each other so that they feel they have to compete with each other, when if we only stood together and supported each other we would become an unbeatable force. All of my power comes from the women in my life who support and uplift me. They give me the courage to be vulnerable and the courage to be strong. They give me the courage to make mistakes and not feel a fool or ashamed. There is so much power in the sisterhood of women’s tribes that we really don’t even understand yet how powerful we can be together. The Tribe movement is about sharing that message, supporting women to set themselves free and fight for what they want in this life while being unconditionally content with who they are.